Tuesday, August 25, 2009

He kept me...

Feels like ions have passed since I've thumb tapped
This feeling on the inside is like a comet exploding onto a new earth
I don't know what's going on in this new ♥ of mine
Glassy eyes from magnetic tears
The surgery put a positive damper on my soft soul
I don't want to work the tongue of a negative word
Catch the next yellow taxi I've already been hit by that one
Dr. Main used God's borrowed hands wisely upon my fragile frame
My Holy Bible peeking @ me reminding me of Jazzy B's worn passport
Knowing the wear & tear is because its been used
Smiling @ the fact that words can put out a old broken hearted fire from a few short moons ago
It doesn't even feel like I ever knew a man named Stress
A chick named Pain
Some dude called Misery
That Broad name Hurt
HolyGhosted was I?
The white neck collar decorating my neck
The bandages taping my new fresh slice in my neck
Still nothing negative to say
The tablets that help keep me chatting with my daily visits
Still nothing negative to say
Puttie pass me another Q-Tip to remove what I've just heard running out of my mother's mouth
I just want to float in this bliss
So many kind words just shared with my fellow piscean Laura
Only to be thanked but unaware of the thumb messages
I'm pulling these words out of thin air
I feel so damn good
So damn good
Follow me
Because this path is full of God's grace
I'm sure you get why he kept me
My God, kept me
I'm staying in this space
Time to knock on wood & help out My Ace
A drop in my ♥rate
Twice during my 4day Lenox Hill stay
Mad for what? 
My God, kept me
He kept me...

Written today

48hours of Quiet
However, a new bbm relationship brews about from the darn of yesterday
Silence being golden on the weirdest of days
Inhaling me @ the highest dose
Only to detox after 3 fights and 3 flights back to our Old York
My imagination running wild from the blissful-ness of a Him and I
The Salty Air of Paradise was suppose to staple us 2gether
Unaware of me just being present @ a pretend Alter @ a chapel in Saint Barthelemy
My eyes not allowing me to see a end only the smiles of New Beginnings
Wishing I could turn back the pages and erase the memory of his face
Everyone telling me to release myself
But love parks in my space
A full six months of my NYE resolution 
And rooting for MMP for prez was still my campaign
He won the election of my ♥ one warm Friday
So what now, since I've been deemed a clown
The word boyfriend bouncing on my tongue as I recite his name
But in a relationship with self is all I have to show
Why was I playing a role that wasn't actually given to me?
Person after person voting for this to prosper
Not knowing I was just another "GIRL"
Never the "Girl-Friend"
Love making, QTing, Appearances, Vaca's, Comps, Flicks, Chats, Connects, from or with lil ME 
Was this all fun for He?
Mis-used and Abused (by self) taken for the longest walk in the Park ever
No other man having a chance @ my broken ♥ 
But the store has re-opened today
Girlfriend, Girlfriend nolonger who I am in my confused mind
Just Nia this day
No matter how hard and long I cry only time and patience will take this feeling away
And yes, this was written today



Sweet, fruitful wishes
Enormous hopes and dreams
Simple prayers topped with 
BIG request
God has heard my cries
So who do I turn to next?
The news of every one's problems is so minuscule to what's really going on
Have you tuned into the constant unfolding of this economy and the recent natural disasters of our earth?
There is soooo... much more, BIGGER than you/me
My Mom contemplating moving back home to assist in problem-solving
For already qualified problem-solvers
Yes having her umbilical cord connection, having the same blood running thru your/my veins
Would solve my/ur right now struggles
Yes the thought happies me
But We/I can stand-a-lone
There are only two feet to shoe
Yes I'm suffering from this and I wish I had someone right here
But damned if I will allow myself to melt away yet another day
I've turned to:SELF...God is inside of me swimming thru my soul
So what more help do I need!
I only want to speak the positive
Speak life
Speak sweet
Speak right
Negative energy forms a blockage for your blessings
Clear the devil out of your house
No need to hide under the sofa of no answers, no possibilities, no opportunities
In the words of Alicia: "remove that word "CAN'T" from your vocabulary"
Sore back, I can still withstand this right now pain
I was told today, no one has every heard me speak so positively
Well here it is
I open my mouth to you
Receive my words
None of us are still little girls

A little personal but apply where needed...L♥ve you guys... There are stars in the sky for a reason...  
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

The chronicles of iron horse back riding

Iron horse back riding back into my East-Side-Harlem pad
Nail biting my thoughts of what awaits me yet another un-productive day
Night life being the only thing making me move my feet swiftly thru the city streets
Monkey bars of a everyday with no expectations of what I would do that day
As I swing away, knowing how I've fallen into such a deep lazy state
Just wanting to hate self
But the make up, amazing dresses, timeless style, Marilyn Mon-rolled hair and the 45 glances of my newly tanned body in the mirror makes my night self come alive
How can I be so into getting dressed up for this guy?
Me not even knowing if the like is a idea of his mind or a idea of his ♥ 
A little angel resting on my shoulder blades whispering in my ear
Disability is about to come to a sudden crash and you will have to get up off your lazy daytime ass
I know, I know as I always repeat
Praying spinal surgery isn't an option but wishing for a solution to my consistent drughead pain
Thumb typing being my form of retreat
How can social-lighting the city become the bill payer
The vacation sponsor
The way to prettify self on a nighty as well as a daily basis?
Hannah's email of knowing someone that knows someone that knows someone
To get me to my true Carrie Bradshaw state is present in my mind @ this time
But who am I to self? 
What am I doing for self?
As sociable as I am
I become mute when the word career or work is even whispered
It scares me
Frightens the shit out of me even
Well wake up self
The 1st form of help, is the help of self
Really I don't know, maybe a kick in the ass by the boy that makes craziness seep into my soul when the 1st thought of his freckled nose comes to mind
Well this is my stop
Time to escape into the cold city streets of El Barrio 
Self, I need help

Quick Snap

I want to only think positive
About the term us or we
But the questions seem to ☁ my brain with thoughts of is he still checking for me?
Because you ignore others when with me
Now I'm staring @ my phone with no replies or answers from he
The emptiness grows in my chest as the waters flow from my eyes
Praying I did not lose another chance @ winning over my guy
Pillow talk with God as I drift off into the dream space
Just know in my ♥ you will always have 1st place

I crave...

I crave ur sensual lips against the tip of my nipples while ur tongue does circle laps around my aureoles
I crave the warmth of ur body against the cold of my skin to melt away my goose bumps like a lemon icey in a lil tikes hand on a A•t•lalien summer afternoon
I crave the soft of ur left index finger up the nape of my neck as ur right hand squeezes my shivering back like a gifted teddy bear on a Valentine morning
I crave the tug on my lace vicki's as well as the pull of my hair and the bite of my collarbone, nose and left ear
I crave the sound of ur speedy ♥ beat and the body brush of ur smooth penis and the movement of ur body against mine
I crave the thoughts brewing in ur brain while my eyes cut lustful peeks @ you and kiss u back hard with my tongue kisses of danger
I crave the u in u and I crave the u in me making new love so soft, so often and so gently


I stare @ a photo of some form of a one night stand
Didn't ever see winning this Freckle Face Guy, over as my Man
My thoughts of him weren't deep @ all
My focus was always the dude with the ball
And no matter how broken I've been in my past
My loyalty will always last
I lay on my lemon colored sheets with a empty feeling in my chest
Wondering who will hold my ♥ upright next
As scared as I am of losing any parts of the you that I have
Winning you doesn't define the safety
I need to make it all last
I guess the love making is suppose to heal the ♥
So why does it seem like everything is falling apart
All I ask for is the respect I deserve
Wondering why the deeper we get you still have the nerve
When you press play my movie becomes alive
Because the love I have for you can never be disguised
Friend or Fam
I should be seen in the glare of your eyes
Because I don't even have thoughts of any other guys
Your speech to me has taking a sudden toll upon my soul
I'm praying for the day I have total ♥ control
I don't know what awaits me in the days to follow
But I know I don't want to relive this another day, another tomorrow
I give my all because my all is what I give
If I were a boy - maybe then in your eyes I would know how to just live
The moments that joy shines upon both our faces
The lovely days we have together in regular or strange places
Keeps me ringing your phone
As well as the fear of being alone
I don't know if I've ever been this deep with a male
Where I get queezy from a wift of your smell
I love you now and I pray I'll love you again and again
But the unconscious disrespect is not worth the re-commiting of sin

Can we just make this work???
Respect each other's wishes???
If you won't change for me can we change for us???

I'm willing to meet you half way...


She's faded because her now and then thoughts of him have been jaded
Questioned and shaded
Made into a form of she can't believe she has not yet made it
To his ♥ or close to it @ best
She begs to know what test will come next
Wonders, hopes, wishes all slated
No candles on the cake no wine in the glass
Just a situation tainted
Not knowing when she's actually going to be dated or dating or relationship related 
Held in a bubble of love and gated
Protected loved as in her mind should now be stated


I lay as I type
Trying to see what I'm typing as the words come out on the berry
Foggy rainy eyes from a sudden breakaway mistake
My mind making the decisions for my ♥ 
I can't get enough of you
I try my hardest to escape
Seeing your face made all my deep love go into replay
I don't want to be w/out you
I don't care what my mouth may often say
Words being the constant re break
I give up on words I just want to touch my loves face
And he has placed me back in yet another punishment state
Childhood stories of no teary face
18 when Dad left his parental phase
My love doesn't cry he just harbors all his pain and stores it away
Breaking him to the point where I can core love him, make him feel his happiest and safe
Never ever feeling anything of this caliber
Just want to continue my chase
Friends telling me we both need some healing space
I flip thru pics just to stare @ his innocent looking face
He's the love of my life even though a nightmare is in our present state
Wake us both and let the building replace
He wants to fall hard for me b4 he begins our longevity phase
But I keep assuring him I would never walk out of anything that's our place
Me being worth fighting for frightens me each day
How bad do you want me state and prove your own case
Praying this time he doesn't really disappear into space
He's my rock and I want to be the one draped in white lace
Our bond should never be broken or ever replaced
This is it for me I pray he reads and understands my case
But if a breather is what it takes to get us to the correct state
Let us both breathe and clear our heads for a few days
Then when we meet again let the role playing, just play
Majestic I want to be with you until your dying day


Never started my day until I felt we would start my day
Why does this feeling seem all so familiar?
Laying in a hot pink Marilyn Monroe lingerie set, hair as curly as ever awaiting an allegedly early arrival
Day 14 since we had an actually encounter of some sort
Or shall I say it was the last of our Mohican's
I did receive a viewing of his face two Friday's ago, but it wasn't and us encounter
My memory can't help but jog back to and 08' work take off to spend a day like today with him
Stood up then and stood up now
I don't even plan these things, these are the cards he placed on the table
So if he did it then, what makes me think anything will ever change
Drug seller of a man, and your phone is off?
Nothing seems to make sense, hardly ever
You went from getting high off my scent to detoxing with some other lady friend, I guess
So why are you keeping me around?
I made it clear your networking game has been shut down
That lease was way up
And I can't keep allowing you to connect yourself month to month with my people
I lay here green duvet covered with 3 tears in my eye
One for self, one for him and one to keep the other two busy
I shake my headed repeatedly @ the continuous ?'S of why
Pick another Cabbage Patch Kid out the patch and eat her
Stop toying with my ♥
2hour convo of growth only to keep the dirty diaper on
Potty train yourself with another broad
Nia doesn't need this abundance of boy pain
Wanting to write something delightful today to keep my flow of greatness going
But these mistakes keep darting @ me as I spin the wheel of my sore ♥
I wholehearted love this man for clearly all the wrong reasons
What was ever right?
Swollen red eyes on the second day of some form of a Fall like Summer 
Pictures of prior amazing us days keep popping up in bubbles b4 my eyes
I'm sure he wouldn't even be affected by my absence 
It would be like losing a pen
Just find or buy another one because no matter what pen it is, as long as it has ink it'll still write 


OneOaken (written on Thursday April, 8th)

Full week's past of my detoxification state. I don't ever remember feeling this good, in this life. The hydrating waters that flow thru good scented Lil' Ol' me, as I devour water bottle after water bottle or clear water glass after clear water glass have me feeling as clean a gym teacher's whistle. 
I didn't know 3lbs could shed just by giving up some of my favorite things - 
Drugs............................... Don't frown your face, I'm not a fiend or anything. A actual Twelve step program isn't needed. However, the mascato wine, the Valium pills, the vicodine, the patron margaritas, the patron coffee shots, the drinks, the pills, the drinks, the pills. Shit...... maybe I am an addict (puts me in a happy as shit(in Katt's voice) state @ times).
Even with the numbness of my right side vanishing from my right now cleanse existence. I don't crave the pain killers, I now crave the pain. I feel like I've come this far, mine as well endure the pain for the full 40days. Miss MedHead has checked into self rehab. What I do miss though, is my every 8sec dip while on the boogie floor of 1Oak. It was all booze just a week ago. Lol
The writers block ☁ hovered over me for these past few days, until my fellow OneOaken sent me a delightful message. He enjoys the stories of my 2days. I desire feedback and this new gift that God has laid b4 me makes me smile. As I maneuver around Chambers Street Gloomy station halls, following the arrows towards the 4 or the 5, I brain smile. The thoughts in my head are happy.
I'm headed back to the Island after leaving the Windy Chicago weather like Crooklyn streets. I want him to know if he was in hindsight right now, I'd forehead kiss him. Nothing like a smile upon a drug free bodied face on a 64 degree day. Someone hand me a tissue I need to clean these Marc Jacob shades. The perspiration of love circulating train car 7094 has fogged them up. Well I hope the Sun of 2day brightens your life a little more. The words of my OneOaken just sang a good song upon mine.
Deep breath...
My mind just took a jog backwards to the last calender Friday. Where I might have experienced one of the best halfway blind dates ever. I giggled more with him than people I wholeheartedly know and if you know me, I'm a silly willy. The unexpected is sometimes the best expected, so accept it and respect it. It can fatherly baby tickle your soul. 
As we chatted and Ocean grilled dined, I drank water, he drank fancy wine. We explored each other's worlds thru a series of questionnaires. He's a quiet storm. I've been a socialite for years. Dang I just rhymed - well this is my stop, that's my time. (*_*)

I was born to SWIM

Two weeks and a day and I lay in my smokey hot tub waters of nothing but brain filled possibilities
What does living in forgiveness look like?
I smile as my eyes gaze back and forth over that question
A bitter bite nibbles @ the tips of my clear polished toenails 
But I won't let it seep thru my feet
I've just swallowed the Art of letting go and I released it in my daily bowel movement of 2day(sorry for the gross part)
I feel Anew...
I couldn't keep trying shit and trying shit 
Won't work
Trying shit and trying shit
Won't work
I'm done with the what had happen was'
This brain of mine refuses to focus on what's behind 
I'm discovering what's ahead
I'm building my future... 
Not allowing you to continue to steal bricks and rebuild my past
The love of my bodily temple has been moved to the forefront of this beautiful life
Ready for the 'N. Storm" of 2night with a water shot in hand
I've gotten use to grooving to the music with no "Help Me Howard Drugs" in the system
The release and relief of that dude that once sparkled then burned down the drunken me is gone for plenty of my days
Now guilt of sitting across from a pure soul won't haunt me while I date, dine and dance
I'm really single... mind, body and soul
Even though, my God and I tango ever so often
The human evil soul can't take bites @ me anymore
I had my physician remove his scorpion sting
Have you ever had the feeling of drowning in your yesterday and coming back to life to live for the present day?
Well I have 
I'm a Pisces @ ♥ 
I was born to SWIM

~Hatie Mae Jenkins~

Happy Birthday Nick Storm you inspire me to write. Love YOU...

God's Heaven Team

The Angel white-coloring of his Saturday outfit and the caramel coloring of his pure skin
The manners of a British-like born soul
The height and voice of a man, but still the age of a young boy
Eventhough, the visualizations of his "Coming of Age" were presently "LIL BROTHER" I still screamed out
A high school grad, but I begged him for more
I wanted him to crave more
Life breathes in our needs, but its our ambition that gets us to our contentment peak
Neighborhood kid, but not the neighborhood kid
His working days putting a smile on every customers face
Our very own Darian
The son of me, but brotherly born
I looked into those eyes on a daily, seeing change jumping through
As his voice deepened I knew he was really getting a life clue
The last night of room-mating 
His white clothing is all I can remember
He left to do his duty for his new journey to come
In a different zip code
Away from my everyday eyes
And then for some reason God and him had a chat
God told him, "when you left that day you didn't tell them you weren't coming back? The 19 years I gave you son were years well lived. I didn't shorten your life that's all I had to give."
Is being missed in abundance what this is suppose to be?
God I scream out, this wasn't suppose to be
He was a great boy, my boy, my baby brother
We share the same mother, father sisters and brother
His spirit moving through my apt like a heavy wind across a village
Not knowing whether to let the tears flow, be the strong-arm of the fam or just stop living
When a piece of you is removed
The knowing of self is tainted
My everyday now is full of numbness and blankness
You never know the true feeling of pain until a part of you dies
The ♥ is pierced and you feel hole after hole 
There's no bringing him back, but there's also no letting him go
God asked him, "son who else would you like to bring?"
He said, "Vance and we can add British Fur to our team"
Darian felt his duty of walking, feeding and playing with the fuzz ball wasn't fulfilled
So into the gates of heaven they all entered together to chill
I don't know how to look @ this day
Whether we cry forever or just celebrate
Darian wasn't an energy that made you feel sad
Or he didn't piss you off enough to make you stay mad
He was a happy boy, a joyful soul
And even though we feel he was taken from us way too soon
We must remember God is always in control
No matter how tragic this all may seem
Darian, Vance and British are all now on God's heaven team

(Vicariously for Tyeisha Delk)

R.I.P. (Darian Delk & British Fur)

My poetic tribute to Michael Jackson "Smile"

Somber mood or shall I say singer mood
Grab a nearby neighbor and lay your head on their shoulder
The heavenly rains shook our Earth
Feeling like I was present in front row @ the Staple Center holding MJ's (Mary) hand viewing the most memorable memorial I can remember (@ this given point in my life)
I prayed on drawing blanks of anything negative today because we have laid 1 of the greatest to rest
I fell upon a ill feeling from a Humanitarian fever handed over to me by the spirit of Michael Jackson
I made a promise to my Love (recently) to try harder
Now I've pledged to myself to try harder
Distractions are attractions to an unfocused eye
And MJ's focus was of pure perfection
My right hand held high against my forehead as I send a salute to all the speakers, attendees, family members, friends and die hard fans that were able to get a wift of his scent during a moment in his presence
He was the only person on this planet that I would have been groupie-fied to meet
As wacky as most may say he looked I was captured by his God given talent
I couldn't see the weird... 
I could only feel it thru his music
And from what I know, talented folks are crazees
I've been deemed nuts myself
And I honor him for his Wacko Jacko gift giving abilites
My 5 year old niece danced and sang in her shower of today reciting over and over, "I'm Bad"
A tear dropped while I looked @ the girl in the mirror because he's touching a life that was a little after his time
But I guess that's the Webster Dictionary meaning of "TIMELESS"
My ♥ feels heavy as I train ride to meet friends for food 
In a lovely web of what next
I give forth my gift of writing
A penny or a million this is what is in the driver seat of my everyday
As I allow my passion to ride me around, I scream thank you Jesus for life
Jogging brain of the words dropping from the mouth of Al sharpton, brother Marlon and daughter Paris piercing my soul
Usher singing "Gone too Soon"
With a touch of the golden casket is the reason behind my swollen eyes
My favorite Queen reading the words of Maya A. sent shocks thru my veins
We being the world and we being the children is a message from God sent into and delivered thru the ♥ of our MJ
I don't know what spirit is in me this day but it feels tingly all over
Admiring the butterfly wings on my purse knowing Michael just signed for his in Heaven
When someone this great exits our world, we can only pray for nothing but greatness to come
I feel our best life is ahead of us
And as I Step into store after store, riding in cab after cab
I know his music will continue to haunt us as we celebrate his life
Pain and sorrow we all feed off now 
But thru the knowing that this was God's decision to take him home to where he belonged, will eventually soothe our ♥'s
God allowed us to borrow him for a full half 
50 years was more than enough to touch prolly every soul all over Mother Earth
Well MJ, I want you to know as I close my eyes and speak to you directly
You made God proud 
Your favorite song, "Smile"
Will turn all frowns around
We as a nation, love you


6/23 thoughts

In the mist of my seemingly always pain-filled writings
I'm unaware if my readers know how much of a Happy Camper I usually am
I'm reading The Secret To Letting Go
And I've discovered my words are my therapy for releasing momentary thoughts
Our brains are made up of so many thoughts
I've trained myself to live in pain
We never actually intentionally hurt ourselves
But in a reality state, we do
Under the covers with the genius of a man lastnite (the human I allow to insist me in these moments of pain that deliver such moving poetry @ times)
He gave me the opportunity to learn how he sees the world
Thru his one contact set of eyes, all he see's is everything being black and white
A flower is a flower
A chair is a chair
A glass is a glass
A straight line in his eyes, is just that
My visualizations allow me to travel so deep, I sometimes can not ponder the picture for self
Which in return frustrates the hell out of me
When I see something, a world, a story, a journey comes alive
Now I'm not saying my viewing of the(my) world or his(the) is off but we just don't see the same
He's so in touch with his thoughts because his thoughts are just that
My thoughts transform into actions, behaviors, feelings, emotions or what have you
I'm teaching self to receive a thought and release it
The book states, there should never be a time for anger
Anger builds from the unexpected
So if you just accept everything that flows your way as a passing feeling, they will be put to rest as just that
Everything needs to reside in its current phase
When something bothers me, I should just be ready to receive what will bless me
Dwelling only trains the brain to recycle past emotions or feelings
And if the present is a gift, why not continuously unwrap it?
I like to peek into my future, but in all actually you can not
I do possess some sort of psychic abilities
But their just abilites
I foresee some but the unexpected smacks me hard everytime
So from this point forward, I will stop focusing on the thoughts in my head, other's heads or attach myself to feelings because its better to await new feelings
Noone craves the same
We crave Anew
So the doors of my soul are open to receive whatever comes my way
God will not allow me to go to, if he couldn't bring me thru it
So to all my faithful readers
I'm happy this day
Here comes another thought of happiness
Wow try it, this is magnificent

Monday, June 22, 2009

Daddy Day

Daddy day..., I hear the little tike's screaming from their innocent tongues
That was me year's prior to what my reality is right now
A day in the life of a Daddy's Little Girl
The love for him made me come alive
He was the reason for my strong 
Girlie like ways
I was Lil' LC(Leon 
The strength instilled in me being raised by such a stern ass Dad transformed me into who I am today
As tough as nails they would call the 3 beauties of Quincy street
Me being the youngest one with Italian blood mixed about with the Jamerican culture
I was unbeatable
Whether you be a girlie or a boy you couldn't stand a chance against my right hook
Tomboy..,, some may say but my dress and sandals were ready for any street battle that came my way
I took my strength and went all the way thru my teen years until the word "LoVE" was "introduced"
A feeling I couldn't get 
Mike Tyson's help to fight
Something that swallowed me whole and spit me out to what was now a new world
Daddy never discussed this 
kind of love, so I never knew what to expect
Him and Mom went their separate ways and all families I grew up around was just as broken as mine
1 parent in one house the other a block away
This was the life I was given to live
Broken homes were a Bedstuy's dream
No one explained to me that this would affect me eternally
Not dealing with relationships just always running into them and from them was how I was suppose to survive this life
Love being the band-aid word I would hear always
No matter what occurs, "I love you" 
But I wasn't prepared for my own batch of love
Love bit me @ the age of 16
But it didn't really hurt @ 1st
Years blew by of somewhat loves and nibbles of all types of loves and love grew in me like a fetus
The harder I loved, the worse off I would become
But the word would always just resurface as a word, once I allowed the hurt to pass
A Hoakie Pookie game of a journey
It wasn't until my 29Th year, love decided to chump down on my right arm and rip it out the socket
That's when love, injured me
I really knew that Love could hurt
Shit..,, love could kill
So I surrendered to love in the pursuit to heal
Thinking that my hard love tactics would change the word into a two person's eternal reality
I felt I had arrived @ what was known as "this is it"
But that's not the case
And today I called out to my Daddy on my 29Th year Daddy Day (for some 
family love) and no answer went thru
A msg left and no call back made
Same goes for the love I placed my wholesome self in the hands of
And my Grandpa, just the same
3 top 
men in my life have shut me out in some form
All the strength that I held onto has been ripped from me
God the love of this all, the watcher of this all, must hover me right now
I need you all thru me, holy ghost feel
For I feel like I keep driving into a brick wall knowing that I need to make a right or a left before I approach the dead-in
Crawling out of the car of love, hurt from another crash
My bestest friend's Dad shows up @ last
There's hope
God sent me some laughs
Just wanting this Daddy Day to pass


Tuesday, June 16, 2009



Love to me is the most powerful feeling known to man. However, in the same breath it comes naturally. So if it's natural, there will always be a rebirth. Open your eyes everyday and restart self. Don't continue what you didn't finish in your yesterday. If you sleep with guilt, regret, pain or hurt, arise and forgive. Another day to start over. Rebirth;


In a relationship there's no such thing as space. If you wander too far, someone else will find you. Love is work, so work thru it.

I think its worth fighting whether you lose or win than giving up before you even start your battle. I'd rather fight for love than lose to hate.


Young love is like film to a camera, it needs a little exposure for development.

Its not our history that matters, its our present moment that determines how we pursue our destiny.


So the beginning of the end has really pierced me in the early of another morning. Day 4 of a no answer just a brush ending of a Saturday afternoon angry voice and 3 minuscule emails. Will this become a normal state of being for the two or shall I say 1 1/2 lovers quarrel? Wanting to know more about what his deepest thoughts and feelings are but punishment is all he knows for me. Scolded for being the me that I've always known. Loving him, I must? I guess... But when will I be able to dump all these old feelings and emotions in the pubilc trashcan on the corner of my street? Never knowing love like this before (in Stephaine Mills voice) could have a expiration date. So is blaming self better than blaming the love trance I've trapped myself vulnerable in? Expecting so much from such a GIVE-LESS guy. But I've accepted this position for so long, clearly I must be accustomed to its rules. I've learned, no one longs for the same things. Repetitiveness has never been a fulfillment of mine. I want to experience Anew. The last email from the ♥ of him gave me something to go on, I think. But should I really be awaiting when he decides to open up, yet again? How did he become the ruler of me? The decision maker of a two part situation (relationship). If I continue to drive my love up his street the wrong way, am I not destined to crash? His best friend's birthday being a dinner where we both shall clash. Not wanting to walk into a room where I witness the "love of my life". Flashes will halo overhead and my postive energy will suck the air out of my already low blooded body. Fainting on the floor of Tavern On The Green isn't the gift to give. So I gravitate to his distance and cope each day while my ♥ resets itself. I forgive him just as I forgive self and I cherish whatever him, I was given to discover. I end this with, the more I write down my thoughts the more I will not allow self to become a prisoner of them. Thoughts clearly become things. So my rebirth is closing in on me. God I love you for this gift and I give praise to anyone that exercise their talent like this.  


Monday, June 15, 2009


Kid cuddle with my legs to my belly in bed Another dreadful day running by
My vision showing a ☁y sky of pain over head
The word hysterectomy is placed like a Q-tip into my child-sized ears
Contemplating blocking out the sound
But desperating needing a serious cleaning
Knowing that this is the true problem-solver for my constant internal situation
28 candles on my last birthday cake, wishing I never blew them all out
Feeling like there was a wish I forgot to ask for
Having the semi-psychic ability that I inherited from my piscean soul clearly missed the Cyst state approaching
Finally (hopefully) ending this 6month condition with a painful surgery 
I just new, I was bizzzack
Now blood is the new Cyst
Like pink being the new red
Too much of it @ one time and then more pain right behind
How can I get back to a 06' internal?
When none of this crippled me
God I ask, as I stare up @ you from the palm of your hand
What are you trying to tell me?
What tribulation lesson is this?
I may have said, I don't want kids...
But I'm growing and I would l♥ve a little Mini-Me one day
I refuse to remove all of my child-bearing help that you Godly gave me 
Nomore surgical below the breast procedures, PLEASE 
I'm not Miss Pill Popper
If BC's, like the doc says, will nurse me back to the somewhat normal me
Then Dr. Demarco, just go ahead and inject me


Theres no place like Now...

I arise in a dreamy mood
Bad dreams decorated my sleep and pinched me until a 5 (something) am rise opened my eyes
Dreading the early and asking my Lord for more sleep I tossed and turned over my thoughts
Bad girl thoughts of course
For a better choice of words: ungodly thinking
Angry with self for every bad decision ever chosen
After finally winning back some extra rest
I opened up to a dripping outdoor noise of either: rain, sleet, snow or cats and dogs
I realized reality is where my present resides
So if I live in reality my thoughts shouldn't haunt me in my sleep or my awake
I can hold on to my memories but yearn for more memories to come
I become a prisoner of my thoughts and I declare, I am not my thoughts
What's presently happening is exisiting now
So why not just bask in that?
Shit, Drown in the Now...
If my tunnel had a light @ 1st then darkness showed up (with its creepy self) and I couldn't escape my current situation
Why didn't I just block that out and search a new path?
I serve a jealous God and clearly, He only wants the best for me
So I surrender myself to him and allow him to unfold my true, pure, purpose driven future
I l♥ve a Ol' story of a great time
But despise a memory of a bad one
Instead of running down memory lane and being the jail bird that I've become
I escaped into the reality of a new day
And I start from scratch all over again
Knowing future memories will provide longevity of a full ♥
So ladies I scream out to you
Let go of what's holding your best back
And unleash your greatness into a new Sunrise of tomorrow
Believe me, I know we all get down and out and it feels like the world has moved from underneath our feet
Just take it for what's its worth and treat it as a learning tool
We are some strong-ass beautiful spirited, beautiful faced, beautiful hearted, beautiful charactered, Godly young ladies
Believe me, bask in your beauty
Ugliness shows up way too often
Our universe is good to us if we allow it
Well..., my words have been shared on this Grey Skied Thursday New Yorker morning
I l♥ve you all for assisting in the woman I am and the woman I'm becoming
I need all you rocks to hide under sometimes so thanks for rocking with me(lol)
Dorthory said, there's no place like home
Nia said, there's no place like Now...

¤Breathe in your new day and Breathe out your yesterday¤

Christmas Blues

1st eye opens and a tear drops
Awaken from a empty feeling of something or someone missing 
The feeling coming from the depths of my winter shaped belly
Or maybe the emptiness is reporting live from my heart
As I reach for my berry, I see the red light blinking away...
8:35 in the AM and people are already up in their holiday pajamas opening away
I, Instead will lay here and just rest for 2day
My Mom isn't here...
Thanksgiving both parents absent from the most important meal of my life
Now Christmas morning without the much needed love I yearn for
I didn't need or want a gift
I just required the surroundings of my closest kins
Seeing my 5year old neice happy and excited is enough for me
But Momma won't be present as the best gift ever
Another can't drive in this weather (excuse) 
And knowing that no other route is possible because she's so set in her unconsciously hurtful ways
I tear drop, after tear drop, after tear drop
Hurt-hearted from my broken family
Eventhough, I do thank my God for giving me the bestest of friends 
I declared, so have soooo many. This day is a celebration for family
When Jesus was given to our world 
God presented him as a gift, to us all
But it was his Mom who held him 1st
Hugged him 1st
Loved him 1st
Kissed him 1st
Cherished him 1st
I tear for the absence of my Mom 
I lack thereof
Well I pray all of you enjoy ur Christmas Day
May the Merryness run thru ur veins
I'm going to try and center myself and accept what's been casted upon me on this joyous day
My gift to you is the longevity of my genuine love and true friendship
I pray my frown becomes a smile from the longing of 2day
But for now, I'm gonna try and nurse my heartache away

Merry Christmas All


Grandma, you

Sometimes I dream of being lifted in the air swinging in the arms of you
Running thru meadows of lillies singing gospel songs with you
Grandma all of this with/for you
The secret of you that I've never truthfully been told about you
The un-experienced you
Wondering if the you I wish to know, would explain the Mom that I've been gifted with from God and you
The Sisters that I love dearly despite the half bond I have with one could be healed by you 
Grandma have you ever searched for me and wanted to discover the me in you
Wondered about me with you
Thought about me and you
I was told I strut like you 
Talk like you 
Have personality like you 
Even look like you
But that's just a tale in all of the stories I've been verbally told about you
I just want to know you
Or know of you
Just to have a existence of some kind of you
Being a 6 non-close knit membered family pierces my already sore heart besides the absence of you
I ask God about you:
Where are you
How are you
Are u still walking the earth as you
Or flying around heaven being you
Why was I kept from you
Why was my/our life moved and replaced from you
How can I yearn for future when I have no past of you
I'm having a moment about you
Crying over you
Needing of you
Wishing I could have the Grandma love from you
Cooking with you
Cleaning with you
Sowing with you
Having Mommy and you
The blessing of you
Grandma I'm certain there's so much me in you
Come to me in my dreams just so I can chat with you
Get to know a little about you
Maybe even stare into the eyes of you
God right now if I can't have Grandma, I need you

Nia B-(

Water Tears (LIC)

The sharp pains greet me as my eyes blink open to the 21st floor view of my frozen New York
Skyscrapers decorating the scene as I gaze thru Jazzy's (ceiling to floor) windows of opportunity
Praying the blood flow didn't increase over my 5 hour comfy sleep 
Layed up in highest bed I think I've ever climbed into for a shut eye break
But the height is amazing for gazing @ the stars for your "wish upon a star" superstitious acts, if u will
Still with my city view pupil focus
The pains stab @ me
Wrestling my tears not to flow as I ramble thru my Andy Wharol bag in search of a tylenol III
Why is this nightmare 300 of this continuous condition?
Didn't Dr. Demarco remove everything that didn't belong that hugged @ my ovaries on the 8th of the 10th month in 08'?
This is the 09' year and its time for 100 percent health updates and A-1 credit of some sort
Time to be in tune with my star player
Get the almost 30 Nia in full-effect
Capture love and keep it prisoner until the death do us part vow is broken
So God I ask u, why the blood again and the pressure and pain of my past 08' misery's
I left that health scare behind when the confetti came down and my toast was made in the crowded nightlife of Marquee w/ my two bestest
I rang in the New Year of every new beginning I requested in my daily prayers
I do regret not jotting down no more cysts on my sin paper that was shredded @ the 7:30 prayer service I attended on NYE
Does this give a full explanatory state since it wasn't something mentioned
God knows in my unconscious medulla oblongata that those things should have become extinct to my 5 by 6 figure
Roy asked me can I still have kids
Something that puzzled me @ once but was easily forgotten after both ovaries were left intact
I snatch up my Holy Bible searching for the story and name of the woman that bleed continuously thru time
Not yearning to be an ancestor of hers but irony would so make its mark
Drink more water Bone tells me for healthy skin purposes
But now I feel the water is needed most because I've dehydrated myself from sporactic moments of exhausting water tears

Nia C.

American Girl

I prettied myself up a bit - getting dressed up for a moment so memorable like this
Feeling of Awe and just pure happiness, bliss...
Colorless faces line the streets of the world screaming the names of our new 44th HNIC 
His wife Michelle and those two amazing little heart breakers to be
You only could have guessed but there's 1 man/father/creator that always knew
God's plan came alive today amongst the land of the Red, White and Blue
The son of God was given Mr. Jesus Christ himself and Jesus decided to send us a little more, much needed help
Barack Hussien Obama is this wonderful man's name
Change has begun @ this moment
Nothing already feels the same
I'm still teary eyed, smiley faced with a overjoyed filled soul
Loving the whites, Asians, Latinos, blacks, etc screaming and acting positively out of control
Martin I know ure proud 
Malcom, Ghandi, Marcus just to name a few
I don't think there are any Americans that are more happy to be apart of the American Red, White and Blue
New beginnings, New possibilities, New days, New nights
New loves as well as defeating New fights
But the hope is there and it will change ur way of life even without u knowing
God u delivered no clouds, no rain just Sun 
It wasn't even snowing
Eventhough the temps were low, the heat of the moment warmed all hearts 
I give it up to all the millions that stood in the streets to be a part
I watched from LIC cheering w/ 3 of my fave
Just admiring the country of the brave
This is the one day that we can shout out we are closer to being a nation that's one
So brace urself because the changes will pour in hun
I'm backing the confidence and ambition that our leader portrays
Time to get off our asses and make a difference in this new world
Welcome to a colorless beginning for every little boy and little girl
When God speaks I suggest u listen up with both ears
Because right now every face should be filled w/ nothing but happiness tears 
I belong to God and now feel some sort of belonging to this world
I re-introduce myself as a true American Girl


True/Pure Happiness

Hey guys I've been inspired to write daily again 
Since I've been given such a gift, in my sense of a gift
No I'm not referring to more of my already well aware purpose driven poetic talent
I'm referring to the gift of inspiration that comes in the form of a male, every now and then
You know this man well, he has united a nation like never before
The hope I feel is unprecedented from my new found inspiration Barack Obama 
I've been reconnected to my America
He just inspires you to wanna do for self.
1st reach out to self, so you can give of self - for the use and help of others
In this 09' year I feel we all need to come to grips with ourselves and be as brutally honest with ourselves as possible
I don't know how happy you all are 
But I'm aiming and goal pursuing my true happiness
I mean happiness with self
Content with self
Confident with self
Joyous with self
Proud with self
Being in relationships are what we do I'm sure we all are well aware of this fact
We are born and built for relations 
No one is meant to be alone 
God created Adam and then from the rib of he, he created Eve 
But 1st we must see if he or she is Christable or now Barackable enough to receive our God given love
One can only reciprocate what is accepted of them when they are aware you accept nothing but the best for self 
If you only give yourself nothing but the best you, will receive just the same
We all serve a jealous God, so he will block what's not suppose to be, no matter how hard we crave/try 
When we cry and feel the heartache of what we consider unexpected pain
Its not unexpected pain, its self inflicted pain
Why beat urself up and try to work harder on something or with someone that you soulfully feel isn't right for you (Read: Eat, Pray, Love)
I don't care if you've been doing/working on something your entire life or with a person your entire life
I require, desire, need my butterflies always
And when they stop flapping inside my pessimistic state enters
And being the Old piscean soul that I am 
I tend to embody others emotions, feelings as well as others problems
Feeling this is what I'm suppose to do 
When others that I love hurt, I hurt harder sometimes than they do
But this year will be different
I'm not gonna argue with my Lord about what I crave, want, and desire or who I think needs to be with me
I've discovered and always knew
What was meant to be, will be
I going to Boomerang my pure love and have it come back ten-fold with God's chosen ones for me
If its a long term-friendship, a loving- love, a chat with a complete stranger, a talk with a wiseman, etc...
I will accept it and receive it, in its form
No questions asked
My expectations for self have been risen to the highest peak
So when I receive what God or who God has prepared for me
I will receive it or receive them in its/their purest form
Vsualize it like this
When you entered this world from your mother's womb
You entered in your most innocent, purest nature
Why not repeat your entry, in your exit
Leave earth (when you're called) the same way you entered
I'm sure your happiness with self will be the happiness that was God given from birth
Our 1st smile, should be our eternal smile


My Key

I've been called beautiful
I've been called crazy
I've been broken
I've been lazy
I've been in love with him
I've been just his friend
I've dated 1 @ a time
I've dealth with many men
Why must his touch crumble me
Why must his touch make me faint
Why can't I just create his love with paint
How did I become so silly
How did I turn to stone
Why does it feel like I'm full of broken bones
I grew past this
I grew into a new girl
Now I'm trapped again in a oyster like a undiscovered pearl
When will it end
When will I get my ♥ back
When will I get back on my new girl track
Noone should have and affect on you with this magnitude
Noone should keep you in such a dreadful mood
We are meant to have relations with one another
When we make love the feeling is like no other
The drug of him keeps me in space
The addiction of him is how I state my case
Is it me
Is it he
Is it we
Or God is this love punishment for allowing him to have My Key?


Hey, what do you say?

Hey, what do you say?
How do I begin a sentence when my throat feels like I swallowed my voice
What words should I use?
Right now do I have a choice?
Hey, what do you say?
I know loves flows
But exactly where does it go?
Far or near?
Does anyone really know?
Hey, what do you say?
I can't seem to find the words to express
What I feel is deep pain for her in the pit of my chest
Her face decorated with new confusion
Trying to paint the day as pure illuison
Hey, what do you say?
I love her like a Lil Sis
I can't seem to help when her ♥ aches like this
Feeling useless and unfulfilled
Wondering how she's ever gonna heal
Hey, what do you say?
When life wind circles around you
And gravity can't quite ground you 
And hurt surrounds you
Hey, what do you say?
The feeling of half of self being removed
Finding no comfort in her favorite desert foods
Moaning a empty you
Smiling but deep inside feeling blue
Hey, what do you say?
Tragedy blinking before her eyes
Not knowing him but knowing her Dad was the chosen guy
God has his reasons
Time Springs up, approaching a new Season
Hey, what do you say?
In search of a way to be @ peace
Laughs and smiling faces
The kindest of words to fill some painful spaces
Hey, what do you say?
Will this pass for her
Will she become A new
Will God give her the answers of why this news even came thru
Hey, what do you say?
She let me hear a voicemail message
In it, his last form of blessings
Thinking I have bad days 
God take my minuscule complaints away
Hey, what do you say?
My body language will speak volumes today
Hugs of grace 
Kisses of joy
The smile you get when you witness the birth of a new baby girl or boy
Hey, what do you say?
My lips will stay stealed and I'll give my all to words for your eyes
I pray this helps and heals
As my prayer for you and your family throughout this Godly surprise
God you tell me, what do I say?


Both my hands

When will I be able to enjoy my best
Just lay down and get normal comfortable rest
Stare @ my ceiling with nothing but good thoughts in mind
Have a family and companion of love and no more negative waste of time
Open my eyes and breath in a new day
Have a mouth full of blessings with nothing but christ like things to say
Open my arms to hug an array of surprises
And not have to clothed myself in pain and hurt disquises
Run my fingers thru my hair and smile @ self
Knowing that 100 is my new health
Kiss my love on the nose
Knowing the next step of our relationship is for him to propose
Sing in the shower about how good God has been
While washing away a night full of dirty sin
Dressing in the purest of whites
To enjoy some beautiful sunlight
Listening to the birds and playing footsies in the central park grass
Giggles and laughter is all that I ask
Heart felt moments that bring joyful tears to eyes
The tasting of my favorite apple pies
Deep thoughts of being swallowed by eternal bliss 
Never worrying about having just one last kiss
Him being me and me being he
Together basking in a commited unity
When will it occur, 29 years, prayers and wishes went up in the sky
God can you bless with me with my highest high
Eat, Pray and Love is what I present to you 
My heart is pure and yes this is true
Now bless away, fill me with morning joy and your amazing grace 
As I present you with my gifts of praise and show you my holy space
I kneel to you because you are the answer to my all
And if I ever hit rock bottom, in your arms is where I know I should fall
No matter where my mind will drift off to today
I know with you by my side I will always find my way
So God I ask in my bold stands
In the mist of love, my health and family stress just right now can you hold both my hands


April fool, but not...

The fool of the 1st day, of a born again Spring April cloudy skied, delivered me some mind blogging news: What's to come of this (full year approaching) pain-filled body?
As the rain drops tapped the window sills of 876 Park Avenue, Dr. Main started off with the news being a balance of both good and bad. My injury isn't life threatening but neither will it allow me to live my life to its fullest extent. Surgery chatter circulated the office as my Dad took his seat. My ♥ lightened a little when the spinal scalpel back cut was elimated from existence. Dr. Main recites, "I will cut you in the front near your neck and remove the disc bulge, your spine won't ever actually be touched. I can not promise you that this will alleviate your pain but it is a Possibilty". I looked @ Dad with my happy/sad eyes and said, "Dad the meds, the pain, the stress, the long drawn out days. If this is the answer to no more pain-filled days, I'm all for it. Dr. Main instructed me to see another physican for a 2nd opinion b4 dooms day hits. I've never set down with such a honest doc. I joked with him telling him he needs a show called, "The Honest Doctor". Lol He told stories of his life's journey with patients and the fortunes he could profit but chooses not to. He wants you to be happy with your choice and accept his works as the goal @ hand. He isn't God, he's his Christan helper living out his surgical puposes in this life. I wholeheartedly appreciated his parent-tisum as he spoke to me from a fatherly stand point. I now stare @ my Donna Karen chocolate brown sheets (a Mom's purchase) as I sit up straight and type and think to myself yesterday starts the day of my best life. I'm going the full mile with my 40days/40nights cleanse and even if surgery is implemented into the days of my purest body, so be it. I fell in love in the morning of yesterday not only with life itself but with the array of colorful personalities and people that help to create my best life. My laziness falls upon my piscean soul from time to time, but now its time to re-decorate Nia's life with new Godly steps and stones. I smile hard because my joyous ♥ has been elliptical worked out for the 1st time in my life. Day one down, 1st chapter of "The Purpose Driven Life" banked in the memory brain and seeing the photos of my loves on my tv top gets me to my happy point moment after moment. I don't want to prolong my story as yet because the beginning reactivates itself on a daily basis. So I'll trouble your eyes again 2morrow. For now, when you think of me have a capital "P" in mind for POSITIVE Person. That's the new me! As I bow, I hope you enjoyed my 1st story.


Somber mood, but not...

Chinky eyed on this watery morning
Pain-filled right side, craving a med of today
But I vowed not to put any toxins into this 5 by 6 frame
So what to do?
Mind drift off into my frequently visited fantasy world and focus on the feel of better-ness and forget the pain of minutes past?
Have you ever felt pressure closing in on you?
A claustrophobic feeling of the heavy world
Well I can testify, I was once and still am that form of a girl
Resession-ista the new word of our today
Praying all the bill pile ups and bad news views just phase away
My attorney telling me I will have to stand trial and that will be my big day
But regardless of the monetary settlement
Nothing can pay pain away
A hell of 3 years not wanting to live sometimes another day
Wanting a career in acting so everyone can witness the various persons I play
Reading over my piscean characteristics and seeing how my depth gives me so much to say
Writing is my love
Nothing can ever take this gift away
I read over quotes of today 
Many pisceans speak to me in that way
We comprehend a few words and paint a picture of the rest
One word could be 4 letters but in my visual I see the rest
I was asked what's the underlining meaning of anything that I release thru verbal or text
I blunt speak or write just await for what I'll say next
Even if there's a core to my depth in any given word
Its because I write from the ♥ like a tree loves a bird
Where will I end up in the days to come
Follow me thru my words because my journey has just begun
I don't want this to be a somber song because of the rain
I can only speak how I feel when my right side is covered in pain
I'm still smiling despite whatever you may receive
The young lady in the world of the innocent and the naïve
Page 2 of my 40 day release
Cleansing my body helps to keep my soul @ peace


Piscean quotes:

"I want to arrive to my comfort place, life wise" ~Nia Crooks~

"If you love the one you're with, how do you feel about all the other's you're without" ~Nia Crooks~

"If life is a driving force and you're in the drivers seat, who's riding shot gun" ~Nia Crooks~

"Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves" ~Albert Einstein~.

"Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened" ~Dr. Seuss~

"I simply wake up every morning a better person than when I went to bed" ~Sidney Poitier~

"It always amazes me to think that every house on every street is full of so many stories; so many triumphs and tragedies, and all we see are yards and driveways" ~Glenn Close~

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new" ~Albert Einstein~

"Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion" ~Jack Kerouac~

Love Reasons

This love thing has been kicking me senseless day&night after day&night
I kept dodging the blows but they kept catching me off guard
I decided to step out on love and catch loves right foot
I grabbed and we both fell flat on our faces
The 1st laughter meeting with our eyes made my ♥ melt like Ben&Jerry's Vanillia Bean
Have I fallen in love?
The warm breeze of the 1st real Spring Friday made me swallow all aspects of love
He spoke not only to me but to some of the girlie loves in my life
The door of his real feelings flew open and out came answers
Its approaching two scattered years and we been going hard for over 30days now
My smiles get bigger & bigger
And on the inside my safety net with him is growing like Quack grass Weeds
Where will we both end up?
I don't like to dwell or even mention the word "END"
Because my everyday is a new beginning
Even though, he continues to fight with his feelings
He'll learn eventually that our feelings always win the battle
My glorious state that my ♥ and soul are in right now won't release me 
My plan is to just stay put
Enjoy the blissful-ness of every sensual kiss and love him now, right now
God gave me love as a gift so I'm going to keep loving in the present
What happen yesterday doesn't amount to what my today will deliver
Babe, I'm talking to you directly,
"I fell in love with you for all loves reasons not because we're just feeling the depths of the Spring season"


He calls me 

Storm with me... Written:4/16/09

As I tear away the pages of my today I drift off into a friend space
I proposed the question before
How can you party with me if you can not pray with me?
All of the smiles I receive and reciprocate on a daily are never really true storytellers
Are your thoughts really of me?
What is in the lining of the word "friendship"?
Beneath the crevices of our bond, rapport, relationship or what have you 
How do you really perceive me?
If we don't slap Jesus fives together what is the reoccurring weather of this friendship?
I read quote of today: Will Smith: "You can tell how far your life and career will go based on the five people you spend most of your time with."
ReTwitted by the Southern Bird Mixed Bunny - has me in not just deep thought, but dead thought
Someone give me mouth to mouth, those words just killed me
I'm going to stay on the path of discovering my friend depth
How deep will you all seep with me?
When the perks are gone and I'm just laying there staring back @ you with those same chinky eyes 
What will be the celebratory state then?
The LaDyBuG on your collar, don't flick her off just let her wander
I expect the unexpected I've learned to take it with a grain of salt and accept it
Some thing's are just suppose to season off 
Who knows what will occur in the trails of this life
So are you willing to let me go or stick with me and fight?
Some days I won't toast with you
Some days I won't converse with you
Some days I won't laugh with you 
But will you be there when I'm frowning inside
I told my Big Bro KT he walks with such a radiance
No matter what's going on inside, his face always finds a way to hide
That's the Lord's song seeping thru your pours when there's no awareness of pain and sorrow
When you put your faith and your beliefs in God, his workings are miraculous
So I ask you, when the bottles are empty and the blunts go out, will you just sit there and pout?
Or will you grab a day on a pew with me and praise my God, our God 
And still love and enjoy me to pieces?
No matter how small things may seem, my God still stands up tall in me
The depth is here if you want to explore
The unknown may hurt but clarity will allow it to hurt no more
So speak to me. Tell me what's the meaning of me, my words, my ♥, my unmade up face - to the true you
Are you an imposter with the friend word in the palm of your hands?
Well wash them because you now should understand
I want you to receive me not perceive and block out all the presents and gifts
Just accept me and cherish a pure friendship
The doors of the church are always open and if you can't respect that, your whole perception is wack, maybe you will love me when I FADE TO BLACK


*Writing from core me or sometimes viracously...*

Thursday, October 16, 2008

OHHHH This is Me...

Bright-eyed, kinesthic, light-brite with a world of poetry renting space in her mind. Her view of this earth is from a stand point that even Socrates couldn't understand. Born on the 14th day of the 3rd month of each New Year. She sparkles as she smiles with her eyes. When you gaze @ her words you drift off into her every day. Her poetic style far from a trend. P.Olay is timeless and here to stay. Get lost in her words if you will...

Friday, October 3, 2008


I bed lay daydreaming in my still room
Wondering what will this new day bring
Falling leaves and brisky winds move about in my mini-outdoorsy world
My best bored with work wishing she was home as well
I feel a new beginning coming on
A new day inside of the daily me
Happy that my journey is coming to a end
Surgery a cold wednesday morning away
Still laughing inside from a great all girlie day two moon filled nights ago
Welcoming another young lady into our circle of joy
Happy I testify
Happy I declare
My Mr. Buenos Diaz wont get himself in order
He doesn't understand my craft
And that honestly bothers me
Even if you don't understand poetry fully
Reading delivers to all
What do you grab from someone's words?
I guess he doesn't get the meaning of talent
Well I'll leave that to my nightly prayers
Big Sis still stuck in the stubborn zone
And I'm not going to bail her out
Grandpa on silence mode 4weeks and counting
Alot going on with me
Yet, I declare happy
No need to walk around half-hearted
My God gives me his all
I pray you drink a full gallon of joy as well
Its TGIF bitches


How do you want me to be?
What do you want me to be?
I show that I'm human and U don't accept me
Emotional wreck
Emotionless blank
How can you not like me better when I'm playing Frank?
Sexual freak
Virgin Mary flake
How would you tell if I was real or fake?
I give you closeness
I provide meaning to your soul
A healthy relationship is my only goal
Eventhough we started as soon as we met
Should it have ended, when you decided to jet?
I hear its your life
I understand all of that
I even honor you for being this intact
Most men would crumble
Fall off the earth
But you've played Mom and Dad since your little one's birth
And as erie as it was to find out you had two little girls
With both my names and a head full of curls
I could have bailed then
But I never judged
I just accepted your world with a big hug
You shut ↓ and shut me out
and tell me you're fine
Which I know is a load of crap
Please don't think this is a relationship trap
I'm asking you early on
Because now is better than, then
Are you planning on keeping me around as your l♥ver or your friend?
Wasted time is something I don't give
The future is where I'm headed
So either l♥ve me hard
Or let me live