Tuesday, June 16, 2009
So the beginning of the end has really pierced me in the early of another morning. Day 4 of a no answer just a brush ending of a Saturday afternoon angry voice and 3 minuscule emails. Will this become a normal state of being for the two or shall I say 1 1/2 lovers quarrel? Wanting to know more about what his deepest thoughts and feelings are but punishment is all he knows for me. Scolded for being the me that I've always known. Loving him, I must? I guess... But when will I be able to dump all these old feelings and emotions in the pubilc trashcan on the corner of my street? Never knowing love like this before (in Stephaine Mills voice) could have a expiration date. So is blaming self better than blaming the love trance I've trapped myself vulnerable in? Expecting so much from such a GIVE-LESS guy. But I've accepted this position for so long, clearly I must be accustomed to its rules. I've learned, no one longs for the same things. Repetitiveness has never been a fulfillment of mine. I want to experience Anew. The last email from the ♥ of him gave me something to go on, I think. But should I really be awaiting when he decides to open up, yet again? How did he become the ruler of me? The decision maker of a two part situation (relationship). If I continue to drive my love up his street the wrong way, am I not destined to crash? His best friend's birthday being a dinner where we both shall clash. Not wanting to walk into a room where I witness the "love of my life". Flashes will halo overhead and my postive energy will suck the air out of my already low blooded body. Fainting on the floor of Tavern On The Green isn't the gift to give. So I gravitate to his distance and cope each day while my ♥ resets itself. I forgive him just as I forgive self and I cherish whatever him, I was given to discover. I end this with, the more I write down my thoughts the more I will not allow self to become a prisoner of them. Thoughts clearly become things. So my rebirth is closing in on me. God I love you for this gift and I give praise to anyone that exercise their talent like this.