Winter Tears

Winter Tears

I tear for no reason @ all
I guess this is what Spring Cleaning does
Spring wants the winter love tears to escape
Prepare myself for new days
But the emptiness still leaves a naked feeling even after a huge meal
I wanted to hear his heart
I desired his story
2nd girl in 60 to say
I love you
And the why is presented to the latter
Me...
Thunder shock to my heart
Like a heavy storm over the gulf
There's no me
But there's also a more than me
No inkling of a 2009 Summer September
I'm a girl that's here today, gone tomorrow
But I loved him yesterday
I smelled him today
I wanted to be around for his tomorrow
But alone I stand
Never expecting the chat to give all the facts
But was so... needed
I lay in my daily tub waters
Shedding my winter tears
Only a flower patch of sweet smelling lillies can drift me somewhere
I really free, fall, fell, for this guy
And with hope being just a single thread from the beginning
Right now, I wonder why

Nia...

Full Girl

Full Girl

Darkness...
Just the light of my berry and the chocolate thumbs of my hands
I focus upon
The paint chipping away on my qwerty keys
I've bruised my berry thru my deliverance of my God given gift
I feel its well deserved
Write/Type a voice cries out
These words that just won't stop escaping from my internal
I couldn't tell you nor explain how the hell I write
I blink wondering who's inside of me screaming out
The inner voice clouding my big brain Clear steam exiting my ears
I'm so happy today nothing could upset this state
May I speak your honor?
Can I approach the bench?
I feel twenty eight
Twenty eight love songs
Twenty eights testimonies
Twenty eight days
Twenty eight memories
Twenty eight laughs
That number Sunday morning bell rings out to my inner me
I'm okay with it
I'm content
I snap my toes to sound of my abnormal heart beat
Darkness with no fear
Loneliness, I fear not
Even if I lay in the casket this day staring back @ the world
I testify, I'm a full girl

Nia...

Early Morning Thoughts

Early Morning Thoughts

You ever get the feeling that you love someone or maybe you hate someone. Hate is love felt deeper backwards. Tell everyone you love them even in a silent whisper. Because if you ever get the feeling that you will never see that person again love will creep up on you and take a bite. That's where the words "missing you" enter. The emptiness in your chest you can't put your finger on. Its not hunger always, its the lost love of someone that once ignited your ♥.

I LOVE YOU

Spring

Spring

Tree buds blossoming about
Nostril Sniffles is all I can think about
Springs here this morning
Even though the windy winds haven't let up
This weekend a closet switch out
Warm coats, I give up...
Its time for pretty dresses and embroidered flats
Cascading thru the streets smelling and picking from Park Avenue's flower patch
Old winter disappear, I need my 70's back
When NY1 is not needed
I just know the weathers in tact
Sunny filled days
Outdoor luncheons with the girls
Bohemian bracelets and mikimoto pearls
Fruit filled baskets
Umbrella drinks
Colorful polished toes on your weekly manicured feet
Spring Spring Spring
You spring happiness into my eyes
And let's not forget all of this celebrating Easter and the blood of Jesus Christ
Holy week MJ called it
Let's drop for a prayer
And thank our Lord and Savior we all can breath life into yet another year

P.Olay...

The Hole

The Hole
 
I chaise lay, mermaid posed just wondering
WHAT NEXT
Why must love have a pause button
I don't want to keep rewinding my brief good-times
Good-times are timeless
A grandfather clock ticks somewhere far from this land
The land my great, great, great, grandparents arrived too stages ago
I bet it ticks on, not back
I want my love to play out
Just leap from one smile scene to the next
Flustered feelings as he peers into my bite size pupils
How can I be smitten for this long
I thought that term was a phase
Twenty-eight candles rested on my Velvet Cake
As I see myself guitar playing happy birthday back @ me
If I throw away the remotes will my Cinderella story play out
Glass-shoed dreams of him finding me somewhere in the attic of pain
Saving me one day @ a time
Pearly white sails yachting into the beautiful blue
Still index fingered on the play button
Even in the starlit night as I watch him
Freckled nosed even hands and red chinned hairs
What else can my blood pulsating heart bear
If I'm this deep today
How far can I get before you dig me out
 
P.Olay

Young Sheep

Young Sheep

I lay still in the noisy night
Rain drops hitting my window-sill like the tapping of an alley cats paw
Unbothered by the sound
My heavy eyes staring @ the screen as I thumb type
My mind still focused on the outcome of her new journey
Wanting to protect her from The Wolves
Knowing she's still yet a Young Sheep
Survival built within ever persons structure but worried that maybe one switch was missed
Happy for her hopes and smiles
Even joyful for her joy
But malice intent halo's over the head of he in my not so 20/20 vision eyes
I try to blink the thoughts away but my heart stays heavy
I remind Young Sheep, never be blinded by words because actions are the true story tellers
Surrendering myself to sleep
I'm going to rest now and just pray
My pastor recites, we feel prayer is the least we can do
But in all actuality its the most we can do
Well Young Sheep wander on
Maybe MG (MY GOD) or OG (OUR GOD) will activate the switch

Nia...

I want Lillies

I want Lillies

Today was a peculiar day for a girlie like me
And array of African cultured scents filled the streets of my Old York
A scent clearly not to my liking
But he or it shadowed me throughout this couple day
Never in my life have I seen so many flowers handled by Man
Did someone die I thought
I usually see the flowers being moved around graves
The petals of fallen roses decorated the station steps as I stepped down
Where is Ahkeem???
Appeared in my mind...
The theme "Flower day" was more like it
And expression of his deep, hard-felt true Love
The weak, the tough, the small, the tall all displayed this inexpensive thoughtful gift to the various ladies of their lives
But all I wanted were Lillies
Yellow ones if you may
Simple Spring non-Valentine flowers
My name isn't Rose
I'm no member of the 2.14 lovers club My day is just a breath away
I just wanted Lillies
Just to take my mind off the cold winds that Old York just keeps having to offer
But he said, they didn't have them
And no goose chase for you
I love you but you're not my love
Which is fine because one can't be on another's money mind all the time
Yes I'm spoil but I've done that to self of late
Shit last year I've paid for dates
But not in this year
Not for a nut and a momentary smile
I tell you it isn't worth it now
As my nose takes a rest from the African oil scents and the Valentine love mist
I'm just happy to Bathe
And say I've survived yet another day
I don't require gifts to speak love into my ears
I'd rather the I made it thru another year tears
The clock really begins today
My 28 is a mere 28days away
But shit I did want Lillies

P.Olay...

Thoughts

Thoughts

Ever step on the iron horse and get a dose of confusing energy?
I have...
2day my thoughts have been so deep that my mind just ponders
I look around @ the various ethic faces that sit and stand b4 me
And just wonder
What R their stories?
I can't read minds but I do perceive self as being keen when it comes 2 energy
But there are so many different angles that energy bounces upon
Moment after moment
A chemist couldn't keep track
Even though I can not put my finger on
A direct connection
I feel our unconcious love still somehow intertwines

The Fool

The Fool

My eyes are like running streams
My tears don't have a set pattern
They flow from check to nose down to mouth pass my chin straight for my chest
I think they're trying to find my heart
They want to put out the fire that's burning inside
I hurt, I hurt more
It's my fault being the fool again
When you think you have buried the fool inside
He arises again
I prayed on this
But maybe I wasn't prayed up
I was once told you must be prayed up
You can't squeeze your prayers in when you need your father most
I should have needed him always
Called on him always
Now I hurt, I hurt more

Prayed Up

Prayed Up

I reached the 24th full hour
Not even and inkling of who He was
Who He is
Who He will be
Not even sure there is a He
My heart lost in the mist of the Bermuda Triangle
I imagine a sticky nights fog
Do you know how many stories are present there
Novels written about the death of He or She
Now Nia C. fills the pages that be
My cup runneth over
Yet Joy is not around
She packed her bags and moved out of my young soul's town
My new beginning starts when the hairs are cut from my head
Writing being my true calling
Is what my horoscope read
Sidney Piotier was a pisces
Harry Belafonte
Albert Einstein
Yes I'm aware that talent haunts my days
Maybe I'll just fall in love with words
Like in William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet play
God I call unto you
The celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ
A quarter spent on yet another new life
Hair being my strength
Cut it away from me
I fall weak unto your word
Rebuild me O' Lord
Strip me of my 07 sins
Teach me how to love myself the same way I do my next of kins
Love is the breast of my soul
And the milk has all dried
Replenish me as you wish
Nomore falling victim to white lies
Cast my purpose upon me once again
My work not the least bit done here on your earth
God I foresee my rebirth
Maybe when I rediscover Me
The time will move near
And He will arrive from my one Prayed Up tear

Emotional

Emotional

I love you...
I know you're surprised
But the words were stuck in my heart
They ran through my veins, entered my head, shot out my skin and landed on my thumbs as I typed away on my crackberry
I just want you to know there's so much truth to them
Maybe not the psycho truth you may think
But some real hard-core hard-loving truth
You were a story of mine
So of course you're still in my mind
Well enjoy your night
I'm emotional, right???

I miss you much

I miss you much

A teacher; A leader; A mentor; A friend; A Mom for sure
My Mom
Mom you remind me of sweet-smelling summer blossoming tulips
As I cruise down Park Avenue
The array of flowers speak to me
They scream out your name
I get vibes of your spirit
Almost like getting a chill on a 90 degree day
I sense you...
I feel your presence
I miss you
I miss you much
In the words of Janet Jackson
Our distance withholds a connection
However, it often rains pain
I need you here sometimes
I need you here often
I want to tear up on your shoulder tops
And let it all out
What would I do without you has suddenly began to flash before my eyes
Of late
Why...
Is it that I miss you so much
It hurts @ times when we chat
I require your face
I need to feel your warmth, wholehearted, obsessed with your own, feel...
Your motherly energy
If you will
I speak from the hearts of your 3 born
I apologize for the sisterhood that pierce your heart and soul
I'm trying to work on that
Our blood connection should never be hindered by anything
We are apart of one another
As we are the heart of you
My solution was to take a step back and allow My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to do his work
The day will come
When you can smile again despite all the hurt we have put you through
I love you Mom
I love you
I miss you
I miss you much
In the words of Janet Jackson

Birthday Girl

Birthday Girl

I smell your tears
I hear your cries
Even though I'm days away
People still join our lives
Some touch gently
Some hurt hard
No matter the feeling
To feel is all that plays the part
I want you to cheer
I want you to smile
Even it takes sending a child like circus clown
Better days crowd into 1 big wish
And we all know how much you yearn for that so... needed birthday kiss
But the man upstairs screams out loud
He's the one we all need around
Even though sand didn't decorate our toes
Or dancing on the bar spilling drinks on our clothes
Hasn't occured this time
And it feels like your heart continues to commit the same ol' crime
Love is still around
and glitz is not always needed
Friendship can be the word repeated
As long as I got my sainty
We're good to go
Because better days will come
And believe me Babe I'm the one to know
Love you girl
Let me toast for you
Since down is your mood
Believe me birthday girl you're well understood
Take your time
You're get right back
I was always told women of color don't crack
We're here for you
Whether military time is your clock
Or whether the bed right now is your spot
But smile anyway
You made it another year
And there's reasoning behind
Even if right now is hard to bare
I'm reciting these words because my Lord asked me to give
And to explain how one of the purposes of our lives
Is just to live

I'm so pretty

I'm so pretty

Save the sun for the shades
Grab the specs in the rain
A girlie's lay for every occasion
I scream out
I'm so... Pretty
As I strut through the big world
With a vintage fendi baguette in hand
Pretty Pretty me
Diane Von muti- colored butterfly Yellow sparkling on my butter soft, perscriptive colored, antelope skin
I swirl as I cross the congested traffic walk
I hear the Boi's whispering Gorgeous; Beauty; Sexy;(just to name a few) B*R*I*X*S Babe get over here
Questions bouncing threw crowds
Isn't that one of those Power Rangette's???
Damn...
Damn...
She's hot
Shit, shortie is bad...
Bad is right!
But shit I'm taken
By me, that is
I'm so... all over self
Boo Boo get off me
Do you see the heels on these sick ass Christian Louboutin bust a cherry red pumps
Can you handle a every 10 second dip
When the old classic Bel Biv Devoe hit Posion is ringing through those Wednesday Night Lotus speakers
I'm so... Pretty
I rolled my hair a 2nd time just to get this perfect curl
Dude you see me
Shit I see me
I'm so... Pretty
Geez...
Giggles as I catch a gaze @ my Mac professionally done up chinky's while reapplying my Mac Oh Baby lip gloss in my custom made saworski crystal pocket mirror
Omg you should see me
I so... shock myself sometimes
Little me
Sigh;
I blush away @ the thought of this God given beauty
I'm so....... Pretty
Yes indeed a girlie is on self
Waking up drinking a gallon of joy every morning from now on
This body will be heard
Watch me now
Low self esteem my ass
I'm so.... Pretty

Life in me

Life in me

Awaiting my monthly
Feeling weird down there
Unsure of the actual evidence @ this point
My friend not arriving as yet
Contantly checking 4 the sight of red
But this would B a gift
My 6th life spurt and beginning w/ a new life could only b a blessing
However, i've said, no 2 them 2wice thus far
God again, 4 give me, 4 I have sinned...
Tyla being extremely 2 much 4 any European Nanny 2 handle
Am I ready...
I guess I will have 2 b
Since life is in me
Literally this time
Or is it my nerves playing tricks on me
Whatever it is, I still feel such a connection 2 him
Even though, I mean as much 2 him as a fun pass metrocard
It's just good 4 the day
Use it while it last
Whatever this feeling is inside
God knows... and in a few short days
He'll whisper it in my ear
Pray 4 me...

Listen...

Listen...

When I arise in my joyous state
I just deliever what's swirling thru my mind
You can call me the messenger
I don't plan what my manicured thumbs will tap away @ on the Berry
The words just appear as I stare @ the screen
My talent, not to toot my own horn
Can not be measured
So I put as much weight on self as I possibly can
I would like to write more during my happiest moments
But in the hours of troubles
My words scream...........
STILL I RISE
As long as my readers hear me speak to their hearts
I'm full
No one man will ever learn fully or even understand my stories
But I give you and eye opener @ least enough to sniff thru my worlds
There are Lilly's, Sunflowers, Red Robins, White Sanded Beaches, Clear Blue Skies even Cherry Trees there
Even though you may only visualize Sour Fruits, Bad Dreams and Stormy Weathers
Bare with me
Sooner or later I'll come around

Nightmare on age street

Nightmare on age street

Pineapple scented
Vanilla breeze
I close my eyes and I just dream
The weight of the titanium blk heavy in my hands as I pass it to the cashier
I reply yes that's all maam
The sprees have kept my desires full
And my wants wanting without
I'm the fanciest thing of late that you can read about
Wink*
But who knew in two thousand ten
I still would long for that
Once in a life time soul cleansin'
A finanical soul feeding per say
You prolly could get it better if I explained it that way
Green can't buy everything I was once told
Recently winning my soul back from that devil for a fake pot of gold
After I bet him I could with-stand a full year without loving hard
He called off all his bloody body guards
I've passed that dream
It died the beginning of ohhhh eight
After my tour de italy
A quick vaca I've come to still appreciate
With a man that was yet still a boy
Pardon me for being so coy
I threw the jersey's away
I burned all the bballs
And my preferences has changed
He doesn't have to be that damn tall
I like a suit and tie now
A clean look
A confident stare
A nice back still
But bald or hair I don't care
Wait
Wait
Wake me up
What's happening to the weirdo I use to be
Shit... I'm thirdeee

Hit...

Hit...

Simple plans
Small wishes
Two Dreams
This is my life
Asking for much, brings about high expectations
So I'm going to lessen my call
Dummy down if you will
My high hopes have grounded me into a simplistic state
I lay in my bed of sin
Pondering what's my next move
As love blows though my cracked window
My body heat rises more and more
I can't feel the breeze
Its not tangible for a heartache'r like little ol' me
My once butterfly filled tummy
Has become and empty cocoon
So simple I propose to myself
I'm going to have the tiniest wishes imaginable
Sleepy nights having the same repetitve dreams
This is how my Wow factor will reappear
Because my God knows I'm not going to ask for much
Playmates ring 2B
Lay your finger on the bell
The noise still dancing in my ears
God when are you going to provide my true Soulmate with my address
Is he still playing his lottery of #'s
Well hit already
Hit...

Ode to yoU

Ode to yoU

Eventhough we don't speak and only faith has the answer to whether we will ever see each other again:
I invite you to meet me in my dreams... I know, you're prolly in love again and occupied with tons of new things
But my eyes miss the sight of you But my ears miss the sound of you But my lips miss the kiss of you
But my nose miss the smell of you But my body miss the snug of you
And I miss the yoU in Us
At night when my head hits my pillow and my eyes shut fast
I wait for you
I wait for you to appear
Because here, there are no strings attached
No cameras flicking
No music playing
No people watching
Just YOU and ME
Just peace and serenity
Meet me if you will...
We can thumb wrestle
Slow now is my speed
The doc gave me enough tickets
I'm done with speeding...