Ate-teen

Ate-teen

So we've arrived @ 18years
I can recall Ate-teen beautiful moments
18 arguments
18 shots
18 laughs
18 huge smiles
18 disappointments
18 heartaches
I've even witnessed you shred Ate-teen hurtful tears
18 complaints
18 walks
18 trips
18 restaurants
18 boutiques
18 projects
Just about Ate-teen different places we both lived
How did you enter my life and become My Ace in a deck of Ate-teen different friends
18 stories
18 fights
18 movies
18 clubs
18 dresses
18 pairs of shoes
I've even watched you cook Ate-teen cornish hens
In seperate rooms we've even commited over Ate-teen of the same sins
The number 18 rings in my tiny little ears
I smile just thinking about how we will be in our Old Lady years
I can tell you this, I didn't mishandle God's glory when it came to you Kid
You call me your Bestest and I will keep that title and finish out this friendship bid
You're my Lil Sis and even if I get a little crazy over something simple you did
I will never stop protecting you because its apart of my purpose to live

Happy Bday Puttie

Auntie's words...

This was sent to me by my Auntie Toya I had to share... Truth is in the eye of the beholder...

Your Sweeheart Isn't You

It may seem absurdly obvious that your sweetheart isn't you, but one of the worst mistakes you can make in love is to generalize on the basis of yourself; that is; to presume that your partner is exactly like you in terms of hurts, habits, preferences, hopes, and expectations. Too often once we're ensconced in an intimate relationship, we tend to behave as if our mate is, or should be, an extension of ourselves.
The consequence of these assumptions is that most people are giving and doing what they would like to receive in the form they would like to receive it in, rather than doing what the person they're related to wants. As a result, a lot of fights are occurring because partners aren't getting their needs met. This kind of expecting the other person to be a clone of ourselves is an emotional hangover from infancy when, indeed we were the center of the universe.
The antidote to this stultifying situation is to learn to do one very simple thing: inquire. Explore. Ask. Let curiosity be your guide to finding out what your mate wants and needs from you. The more you know precisely who he is or she is, the less you'll make this person-erasing mistake.
In the long run, remembering that the person you love is not you is a way of exposing yourself to the joy of knowing another soul in the truth and beauty of his or her own uniqueness.

LT

Rain's Mist

Rain's Mist

My ♥ stopped beating lastnight
Empty boxed
Hollow chest
Nothing but pain echoing inside
Even the past will bite with his big mouth
Knowing me, well the old me
No excuse for actions
What do I deserve
The best, the utmost, the highest quality respect, I suppose
God I try to wear the blinders you gave me
I don't want to see all
Why must I witness everything sooner than later
Sure its best for me but I nolonger can play
Every beginning ending in days
Can I wrap a month, a year, a century around a holding pin
Tie him down to my side so I can just smile myself to sleep
I want my arms to stretch around his back one last time
Only because I drown myself with the memory of he
I scream out as I cry, memory just run away from me
This single check I place in every box on every 1040 I file
Is running dry
Why isn't he standing behind me
Whispering in my ear
Serenading my soul
I looked over self
As they say, I'm bad
Well where is my balance Mr. Good
As I caress my lost but new found berry
I stare @ the words mirror imagery(sent by he)
And I ask self who am I staring back @
Yung Marilyn or another self
God send me a holy kiss
My lips are tired of puckering up and just getting all Rain's Mist

P.Olay...

Disguised

Disguised

I escaped from the big box
Cloudy headed
Heavy heart
I peered down @ the word overwhelmed circling my feet
I say, to self, this was such a bad week
Although, the days flew by like and over night storm
Much has happen
What else can go wrong
One of my bestest in unimaginable pain
Just the thoughts reappearing can bring a sunny day, horrible rains
Like how can this all be happening @ the same time
A black man makes history for something other than a crime
So someone tell me what is a girlie do
When stress has returned parading my new
I try to clear my head and stop the evilness from brewing inside
But my eyes continue to tear awaiting yet another bad surprise
God I call out
The only true help in all of my sobbing days
Come please and take mine as well as everyone I love pain away
I know tribulation is a process for much better days
But when I arise tomorrow @ least take my stress acne away
In the heart of me my face shows all misery present inside
I've learned a beautiful face can never be disguised

Nia...

Love

Love

I can be smitten for a day by some
Lustful for a month by few
Joyous for a year by many
But with you, for some odd reason
I can be in love for a lifetime

Call Me

Call Me

In bed alone
Nothing but the darkness of night
The winds tickle @ my window sill
My right eye tear drops, puddling my favorite pillow
Feelings of someone behind me
Spooning me
Blowing in my left ear
He speaks
Is this what you wanted
Is this what you needed
Is this what you craved
My heart pounding
Awaiting to exit my chest and run far, far, away
Nervous as his voice makes me
The lust I feel racing thru my veins
If we could freeze this moment
I would be done with this dream
Really can you explain to me
Why did you call me???

Comeback

Comeback

Laying in bed rainy eyed like the waters that drip from the noisy skies
Swaroski light bulb dangling from my collarbone as constant ideas pop inside
My medulla oblongata resting itself for a 6am morning's rise
Lonely I feel
This couldn't possibly come as a surprise
Vulnerbility kicking @ my door
Just praying and wanting nomore
Leap me pass this and land me in a new field of dreams
He nolonger wants to feel my lustful hugs and hear my sexual screams
Or was it me, I didn't pay the bill
And the relationship was clipped
Is it safe to say what we had, was powered by Sprint?

Nia...

Save you

Save you

I want you to crash
Deadly accident no
But just so I can seize the chance to save you
I want you to soak up all the l♥ve I continue to redeliver
I argue and fight with my feelings, emotions, ego even my character daily
Nothing but a constant losing battle
Feeling like the IV is not enough to flush my soul
You consistently dehydrate me
Even with your absence
A invisible weight holds down the Queen's right side
My pillow newly washed, still with the dent of your big head
You belong there
Just for the purpose of my nightly pupil stares
My inner me feeling as empty as a New Years Eve bottle of Don
Why won't you just let me save you
I am your this and that
Impossibilities of a any male species desiring that much
God and I gathered all your needs
And if being frightened of my form of true l♥ve is your scapegoat
I scare you no more
Crash...
Crash...
Just crash already
I believe, I was born to save you

Nia...

Winter Tears

Winter Tears

I tear for no reason @ all
I guess this is what Spring Cleaning does
Spring wants the winter love tears to escape
Prepare myself for new days
But the emptiness still leaves a naked feeling even after a huge meal
I wanted to hear his heart
I desired his story
2nd girl in 60 to say
I love you
And the why is presented to the latter
Me...
Thunder shock to my heart
Like a heavy storm over the gulf
There's no me
But there's also a more than me
No inkling of a 2009 Summer September
I'm a girl that's here today, gone tomorrow
But I loved him yesterday
I smelled him today
I wanted to be around for his tomorrow
But alone I stand
Never expecting the chat to give all the facts
But was so... needed
I lay in my daily tub waters
Shedding my winter tears
Only a flower patch of sweet smelling lillies can drift me somewhere
I really free, fall, fell, for this guy
And with hope being just a single thread from the beginning
Right now, I wonder why

Nia...

Full Girl

Full Girl

Darkness...
Just the light of my berry and the chocolate thumbs of my hands
I focus upon
The paint chipping away on my qwerty keys
I've bruised my berry thru my deliverance of my God given gift
I feel its well deserved
Write/Type a voice cries out
These words that just won't stop escaping from my internal
I couldn't tell you nor explain how the hell I write
I blink wondering who's inside of me screaming out
The inner voice clouding my big brain Clear steam exiting my ears
I'm so happy today nothing could upset this state
May I speak your honor?
Can I approach the bench?
I feel twenty eight
Twenty eight love songs
Twenty eights testimonies
Twenty eight days
Twenty eight memories
Twenty eight laughs
That number Sunday morning bell rings out to my inner me
I'm okay with it
I'm content
I snap my toes to sound of my abnormal heart beat
Darkness with no fear
Loneliness, I fear not
Even if I lay in the casket this day staring back @ the world
I testify, I'm a full girl

Nia...

Early Morning Thoughts

Early Morning Thoughts

You ever get the feeling that you love someone or maybe you hate someone. Hate is love felt deeper backwards. Tell everyone you love them even in a silent whisper. Because if you ever get the feeling that you will never see that person again love will creep up on you and take a bite. That's where the words "missing you" enter. The emptiness in your chest you can't put your finger on. Its not hunger always, its the lost love of someone that once ignited your ♥.

I LOVE YOU

Spring

Spring

Tree buds blossoming about
Nostril Sniffles is all I can think about
Springs here this morning
Even though the windy winds haven't let up
This weekend a closet switch out
Warm coats, I give up...
Its time for pretty dresses and embroidered flats
Cascading thru the streets smelling and picking from Park Avenue's flower patch
Old winter disappear, I need my 70's back
When NY1 is not needed
I just know the weathers in tact
Sunny filled days
Outdoor luncheons with the girls
Bohemian bracelets and mikimoto pearls
Fruit filled baskets
Umbrella drinks
Colorful polished toes on your weekly manicured feet
Spring Spring Spring
You spring happiness into my eyes
And let's not forget all of this celebrating Easter and the blood of Jesus Christ
Holy week MJ called it
Let's drop for a prayer
And thank our Lord and Savior we all can breath life into yet another year

P.Olay...

The Hole

The Hole
 
I chaise lay, mermaid posed just wondering
WHAT NEXT
Why must love have a pause button
I don't want to keep rewinding my brief good-times
Good-times are timeless
A grandfather clock ticks somewhere far from this land
The land my great, great, great, grandparents arrived too stages ago
I bet it ticks on, not back
I want my love to play out
Just leap from one smile scene to the next
Flustered feelings as he peers into my bite size pupils
How can I be smitten for this long
I thought that term was a phase
Twenty-eight candles rested on my Velvet Cake
As I see myself guitar playing happy birthday back @ me
If I throw away the remotes will my Cinderella story play out
Glass-shoed dreams of him finding me somewhere in the attic of pain
Saving me one day @ a time
Pearly white sails yachting into the beautiful blue
Still index fingered on the play button
Even in the starlit night as I watch him
Freckled nosed even hands and red chinned hairs
What else can my blood pulsating heart bear
If I'm this deep today
How far can I get before you dig me out
 
P.Olay

Young Sheep

Young Sheep

I lay still in the noisy night
Rain drops hitting my window-sill like the tapping of an alley cats paw
Unbothered by the sound
My heavy eyes staring @ the screen as I thumb type
My mind still focused on the outcome of her new journey
Wanting to protect her from The Wolves
Knowing she's still yet a Young Sheep
Survival built within ever persons structure but worried that maybe one switch was missed
Happy for her hopes and smiles
Even joyful for her joy
But malice intent halo's over the head of he in my not so 20/20 vision eyes
I try to blink the thoughts away but my heart stays heavy
I remind Young Sheep, never be blinded by words because actions are the true story tellers
Surrendering myself to sleep
I'm going to rest now and just pray
My pastor recites, we feel prayer is the least we can do
But in all actuality its the most we can do
Well Young Sheep wander on
Maybe MG (MY GOD) or OG (OUR GOD) will activate the switch

Nia...

I want Lillies

I want Lillies

Today was a peculiar day for a girlie like me
And array of African cultured scents filled the streets of my Old York
A scent clearly not to my liking
But he or it shadowed me throughout this couple day
Never in my life have I seen so many flowers handled by Man
Did someone die I thought
I usually see the flowers being moved around graves
The petals of fallen roses decorated the station steps as I stepped down
Where is Ahkeem???
Appeared in my mind...
The theme "Flower day" was more like it
And expression of his deep, hard-felt true Love
The weak, the tough, the small, the tall all displayed this inexpensive thoughtful gift to the various ladies of their lives
But all I wanted were Lillies
Yellow ones if you may
Simple Spring non-Valentine flowers
My name isn't Rose
I'm no member of the 2.14 lovers club My day is just a breath away
I just wanted Lillies
Just to take my mind off the cold winds that Old York just keeps having to offer
But he said, they didn't have them
And no goose chase for you
I love you but you're not my love
Which is fine because one can't be on another's money mind all the time
Yes I'm spoil but I've done that to self of late
Shit last year I've paid for dates
But not in this year
Not for a nut and a momentary smile
I tell you it isn't worth it now
As my nose takes a rest from the African oil scents and the Valentine love mist
I'm just happy to Bathe
And say I've survived yet another day
I don't require gifts to speak love into my ears
I'd rather the I made it thru another year tears
The clock really begins today
My 28 is a mere 28days away
But shit I did want Lillies

P.Olay...

Thoughts

Thoughts

Ever step on the iron horse and get a dose of confusing energy?
I have...
2day my thoughts have been so deep that my mind just ponders
I look around @ the various ethic faces that sit and stand b4 me
And just wonder
What R their stories?
I can't read minds but I do perceive self as being keen when it comes 2 energy
But there are so many different angles that energy bounces upon
Moment after moment
A chemist couldn't keep track
Even though I can not put my finger on
A direct connection
I feel our unconcious love still somehow intertwines

The Fool

The Fool

My eyes are like running streams
My tears don't have a set pattern
They flow from check to nose down to mouth pass my chin straight for my chest
I think they're trying to find my heart
They want to put out the fire that's burning inside
I hurt, I hurt more
It's my fault being the fool again
When you think you have buried the fool inside
He arises again
I prayed on this
But maybe I wasn't prayed up
I was once told you must be prayed up
You can't squeeze your prayers in when you need your father most
I should have needed him always
Called on him always
Now I hurt, I hurt more