Muse

Muse

All of two muses in my short life
Thinking about it just makes me want to write
In l♥ve with two men that didnt even see me as like
I watch them both stare @ me
Not knowing, I wasn't the one in their sight
4 hard years raining in on one
The other a merely over 8 months
When does one life end to know the other has begun
Friends they are
How could I be that dum to wish upon the same star
God did you send them to inspire me to write?
Knowing once l♥ve clouds my brain I loose all focus and might
Hurt hearting today
Begging for old pain to jump on that Great Dane and gallop away
I testify, you fixed me full but my empty belly still aches
When will I l♥ve myself enough to give my broken ♥ a break
I was warned by a messenger that my next l♥ve will be the key
I'm guessing there's magic in the power of 3

Nia...

7/29/08

7/29/08

Half smiled
Heavy hearted
The events that continue to drown my right now mood are coming @ me full force
As I drive thru life I see the stop sign approaching
I slam my foot on the breaks and look both ways
Coast seems clear
I continue to move
Baam...
I'm slammed by yet another unfortunate event
I pray, and I pray
I can get pass and get thru this one
I was told, and I believe, because I can testify that My God is a 2nd chance God
So I cry and call out to him
Jesus, My God, Lord of Lord, The Almighty Righteous...
Relieve my pain yet again and pull me thru to your light
I know what I've done as well as what I do isn't always right
But I'm learning I'm growing I'm becoming who you have destined me to be
God help me please
Mercy is what I crave
Mercy is what I need
I close my eyes
And just ponder the day
From court to work to Bill pay

Me

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

If you can't copy me, duplicate me, change me, recreate me or let alone save me and replay me why not just take me, keep me, appreciate me and accept me as I am? If I remind you of no one, than there is no comparison to cloud your brain, alter your thoughts. I was told to follow your dreams... I'll still be there everynight you close your eyes. I'm ready when you are. Not going to take the 1st step anymore. I feel it'll be better, if we walk together.

If you're in l♥ve or engaged, please ignore this page.

Share my pain

Share my pain

Crippling condition fell upon my size 8 1/2 feet
Toes still polished in that come get me now red
Matching the drips continuously exiting my internal self
Daytime nightmares running thru my dizzy little head
Red blood count as low as as any sickened anemia case
Who would have thought 127lb healthy me would have to slide her feet across paqueted floors to just get to the neighboring restroom
Gliding @ the pace of a nursing home Great- Grand-Mama
Tired from just a measly 10sec stroll
Weakness running thru my veins like Miami's nightlife, just a few short moons ago
How can one go from 0 to 60 in a mere 48hours
Cheeks slapping fives with tears as the sharp contraction like pains, play jack in the box with my abdominal area
I ask God what are Cyst and why have they bonded with me this day?
My job thinking and extended vaca was my plan
Not knowing the pain prevails even as I type with both hands
Where is the stop button as this plays out
5days already
I shouldn't have anything else to complain about
I remove the pillows searching for my strength
A bit size capsule has got me somewhat thru this
Feeling like I will never again be the same
Pouting @ the mean world, for some unknown reason feeling shame
Just hug me
It would help if you could share my pain

Nia...

Ate-teen

Ate-teen

So we've arrived @ 18years
I can recall Ate-teen beautiful moments
18 arguments
18 shots
18 laughs
18 huge smiles
18 disappointments
18 heartaches
I've even witnessed you shred Ate-teen hurtful tears
18 complaints
18 walks
18 trips
18 restaurants
18 boutiques
18 projects
Just about Ate-teen different places we both lived
How did you enter my life and become My Ace in a deck of Ate-teen different friends
18 stories
18 fights
18 movies
18 clubs
18 dresses
18 pairs of shoes
I've even watched you cook Ate-teen cornish hens
In seperate rooms we've even commited over Ate-teen of the same sins
The number 18 rings in my tiny little ears
I smile just thinking about how we will be in our Old Lady years
I can tell you this, I didn't mishandle God's glory when it came to you Kid
You call me your Bestest and I will keep that title and finish out this friendship bid
You're my Lil Sis and even if I get a little crazy over something simple you did
I will never stop protecting you because its apart of my purpose to live

Happy Bday Puttie

Auntie's words...

This was sent to me by my Auntie Toya I had to share... Truth is in the eye of the beholder...

Your Sweeheart Isn't You

It may seem absurdly obvious that your sweetheart isn't you, but one of the worst mistakes you can make in love is to generalize on the basis of yourself; that is; to presume that your partner is exactly like you in terms of hurts, habits, preferences, hopes, and expectations. Too often once we're ensconced in an intimate relationship, we tend to behave as if our mate is, or should be, an extension of ourselves.
The consequence of these assumptions is that most people are giving and doing what they would like to receive in the form they would like to receive it in, rather than doing what the person they're related to wants. As a result, a lot of fights are occurring because partners aren't getting their needs met. This kind of expecting the other person to be a clone of ourselves is an emotional hangover from infancy when, indeed we were the center of the universe.
The antidote to this stultifying situation is to learn to do one very simple thing: inquire. Explore. Ask. Let curiosity be your guide to finding out what your mate wants and needs from you. The more you know precisely who he is or she is, the less you'll make this person-erasing mistake.
In the long run, remembering that the person you love is not you is a way of exposing yourself to the joy of knowing another soul in the truth and beauty of his or her own uniqueness.

LT

Rain's Mist

Rain's Mist

My ♥ stopped beating lastnight
Empty boxed
Hollow chest
Nothing but pain echoing inside
Even the past will bite with his big mouth
Knowing me, well the old me
No excuse for actions
What do I deserve
The best, the utmost, the highest quality respect, I suppose
God I try to wear the blinders you gave me
I don't want to see all
Why must I witness everything sooner than later
Sure its best for me but I nolonger can play
Every beginning ending in days
Can I wrap a month, a year, a century around a holding pin
Tie him down to my side so I can just smile myself to sleep
I want my arms to stretch around his back one last time
Only because I drown myself with the memory of he
I scream out as I cry, memory just run away from me
This single check I place in every box on every 1040 I file
Is running dry
Why isn't he standing behind me
Whispering in my ear
Serenading my soul
I looked over self
As they say, I'm bad
Well where is my balance Mr. Good
As I caress my lost but new found berry
I stare @ the words mirror imagery(sent by he)
And I ask self who am I staring back @
Yung Marilyn or another self
God send me a holy kiss
My lips are tired of puckering up and just getting all Rain's Mist

P.Olay...

Disguised

Disguised

I escaped from the big box
Cloudy headed
Heavy heart
I peered down @ the word overwhelmed circling my feet
I say, to self, this was such a bad week
Although, the days flew by like and over night storm
Much has happen
What else can go wrong
One of my bestest in unimaginable pain
Just the thoughts reappearing can bring a sunny day, horrible rains
Like how can this all be happening @ the same time
A black man makes history for something other than a crime
So someone tell me what is a girlie do
When stress has returned parading my new
I try to clear my head and stop the evilness from brewing inside
But my eyes continue to tear awaiting yet another bad surprise
God I call out
The only true help in all of my sobbing days
Come please and take mine as well as everyone I love pain away
I know tribulation is a process for much better days
But when I arise tomorrow @ least take my stress acne away
In the heart of me my face shows all misery present inside
I've learned a beautiful face can never be disguised

Nia...

Love

Love

I can be smitten for a day by some
Lustful for a month by few
Joyous for a year by many
But with you, for some odd reason
I can be in love for a lifetime

Call Me

Call Me

In bed alone
Nothing but the darkness of night
The winds tickle @ my window sill
My right eye tear drops, puddling my favorite pillow
Feelings of someone behind me
Spooning me
Blowing in my left ear
He speaks
Is this what you wanted
Is this what you needed
Is this what you craved
My heart pounding
Awaiting to exit my chest and run far, far, away
Nervous as his voice makes me
The lust I feel racing thru my veins
If we could freeze this moment
I would be done with this dream
Really can you explain to me
Why did you call me???

Comeback

Comeback

Laying in bed rainy eyed like the waters that drip from the noisy skies
Swaroski light bulb dangling from my collarbone as constant ideas pop inside
My medulla oblongata resting itself for a 6am morning's rise
Lonely I feel
This couldn't possibly come as a surprise
Vulnerbility kicking @ my door
Just praying and wanting nomore
Leap me pass this and land me in a new field of dreams
He nolonger wants to feel my lustful hugs and hear my sexual screams
Or was it me, I didn't pay the bill
And the relationship was clipped
Is it safe to say what we had, was powered by Sprint?

Nia...

Save you

Save you

I want you to crash
Deadly accident no
But just so I can seize the chance to save you
I want you to soak up all the l♥ve I continue to redeliver
I argue and fight with my feelings, emotions, ego even my character daily
Nothing but a constant losing battle
Feeling like the IV is not enough to flush my soul
You consistently dehydrate me
Even with your absence
A invisible weight holds down the Queen's right side
My pillow newly washed, still with the dent of your big head
You belong there
Just for the purpose of my nightly pupil stares
My inner me feeling as empty as a New Years Eve bottle of Don
Why won't you just let me save you
I am your this and that
Impossibilities of a any male species desiring that much
God and I gathered all your needs
And if being frightened of my form of true l♥ve is your scapegoat
I scare you no more
Crash...
Crash...
Just crash already
I believe, I was born to save you

Nia...

Winter Tears

Winter Tears

I tear for no reason @ all
I guess this is what Spring Cleaning does
Spring wants the winter love tears to escape
Prepare myself for new days
But the emptiness still leaves a naked feeling even after a huge meal
I wanted to hear his heart
I desired his story
2nd girl in 60 to say
I love you
And the why is presented to the latter
Me...
Thunder shock to my heart
Like a heavy storm over the gulf
There's no me
But there's also a more than me
No inkling of a 2009 Summer September
I'm a girl that's here today, gone tomorrow
But I loved him yesterday
I smelled him today
I wanted to be around for his tomorrow
But alone I stand
Never expecting the chat to give all the facts
But was so... needed
I lay in my daily tub waters
Shedding my winter tears
Only a flower patch of sweet smelling lillies can drift me somewhere
I really free, fall, fell, for this guy
And with hope being just a single thread from the beginning
Right now, I wonder why

Nia...

Full Girl

Full Girl

Darkness...
Just the light of my berry and the chocolate thumbs of my hands
I focus upon
The paint chipping away on my qwerty keys
I've bruised my berry thru my deliverance of my God given gift
I feel its well deserved
Write/Type a voice cries out
These words that just won't stop escaping from my internal
I couldn't tell you nor explain how the hell I write
I blink wondering who's inside of me screaming out
The inner voice clouding my big brain Clear steam exiting my ears
I'm so happy today nothing could upset this state
May I speak your honor?
Can I approach the bench?
I feel twenty eight
Twenty eight love songs
Twenty eights testimonies
Twenty eight days
Twenty eight memories
Twenty eight laughs
That number Sunday morning bell rings out to my inner me
I'm okay with it
I'm content
I snap my toes to sound of my abnormal heart beat
Darkness with no fear
Loneliness, I fear not
Even if I lay in the casket this day staring back @ the world
I testify, I'm a full girl

Nia...

Early Morning Thoughts

Early Morning Thoughts

You ever get the feeling that you love someone or maybe you hate someone. Hate is love felt deeper backwards. Tell everyone you love them even in a silent whisper. Because if you ever get the feeling that you will never see that person again love will creep up on you and take a bite. That's where the words "missing you" enter. The emptiness in your chest you can't put your finger on. Its not hunger always, its the lost love of someone that once ignited your ♥.

I LOVE YOU

Spring

Spring

Tree buds blossoming about
Nostril Sniffles is all I can think about
Springs here this morning
Even though the windy winds haven't let up
This weekend a closet switch out
Warm coats, I give up...
Its time for pretty dresses and embroidered flats
Cascading thru the streets smelling and picking from Park Avenue's flower patch
Old winter disappear, I need my 70's back
When NY1 is not needed
I just know the weathers in tact
Sunny filled days
Outdoor luncheons with the girls
Bohemian bracelets and mikimoto pearls
Fruit filled baskets
Umbrella drinks
Colorful polished toes on your weekly manicured feet
Spring Spring Spring
You spring happiness into my eyes
And let's not forget all of this celebrating Easter and the blood of Jesus Christ
Holy week MJ called it
Let's drop for a prayer
And thank our Lord and Savior we all can breath life into yet another year

P.Olay...