Steady(done with now)

Steady(done with now)

A semi-hot cup of Jasmine tea to start my day along
Wide eyed for whatever thoughts and actions await me, during pm hours
A deep convo with Boss Man has me feeling uneasy about my way of life
I'm aware that I date a lifestyle
But breaking it off...
Hard enough just thinking about it
My fantabulous life reveals so much of my true person
Or am I blinded by the enormous bundles of spontaneous happy
I approve the preceptions of my job versus the behind my big door world
But yes a steady income has to come from some where
My job as a Mobile Consultant
My career title: " Miss Aspiring Everything"
My writings on the walls as well as my mobile wear of poetry
Just keeping me afloat
But who is Nia
I thought, I knew a pinch
Until the build up of shut downs took a toil on me
"You can't continue to shut down when you need to grow," he recites
But grow amongst pain, I shall not
Yes I vacate...
This is the me I know
Yet still grows
I feel... (deep breath), I'm afraid of what's different in other worlds
I'm exposed in bundles, I presume
But maybe simple worlds shouldn't be malice in my eyes
But why
The simple life is still lived
Mountain top experiences can not always bring joy even if it provides a joyful feeling
I question myself
I question my world
Should I dummy down in a sense
Take a step back and become Nia(pronounced the correct way)
Or does Naya(Nia) still run
But if my feet are moving 2 fast for my soulmate to catch me
How will monogamy ever play out in my purpose driven life
"If he gives me diamonds and pearls would I truly be a happy girl"
So far no is the outcome of constant years of tears
I'm happy an well aware of my push away of my constant platonic's
They all reveal themselves through the dateable lifestyle
But again, I want steady
Gifts and trips
Dining and Dicked
Clothes and Cash
Shoes and Bags
All seasonal really...
I need consistency
I desire tomorrow
I'm done with know...